Closing Times

Like the song says "every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end".  Today I went to close out my classroom and it was a little bittersweet for me.  There is so much drama that is surrounded by the end of this school year and I am just grateful to have a job.  For the 3rd time in 6 years I will be switching classrooms and for the 5th time I will be changing grades.  I have taught the same students for two years in a row and am glad that I am able to get a group of new kids next year.  I have to admit though this is the first time in years that I haven't looked forward to summer vacation.  I'm lucky I've never known what it was like to not have a summer.  I was always in school or a teacher.  Sure I worked at Kohls all through college but it was still summer and I had a break.  At that time I wanted to work so I could have money.  There is a big difference between wanting to work and having to work.  Now I have to work and it sucks!  I would love to be a stay at home mom and it's sad that in today's economy and world this is not a possibility for many moms.  So alas I am sad that it is summer because that means I am closer to going back to work and having to leave my baby girl.  I'm not looking forward to this one bit.  I don't know how my husband does it everyday.  He leaves me and Emmy laying in bed and goes off to work to provide for us.  I admire him for this.  I hope I can be like him and be brave when I go to work and leave my baby at home.  I hope that I am able to focus on my job and not worry about my daugther all day.  And it doesn't make it any easier when people say, "oh it's going to be so hard for you to go back to work!"  I want to slap them and say yes thanks for pointing that out I thought it would be really easy to leave my daughter for 8 hours a day.  But then I think that I have to be grateful for the job I have.  I'm lucky that I get days off, half days, good vacations and summer vacation to spend with my daugther.  Most moms won't get this opportunity and I am grateful for it.  It's a running joke amount teachers when people ask what is your favorite thing about teaching and you reply "June, July and August".   This was never my response until becoming a mom and now I know that teaching will be a whole different experience for me.  I know I will look at these kids and say I hope my daughter does/does not become like this child.  I will wonder will my child be the talker or the geek of the class.  I know I have a while to think about this but it is what enters my mind.  For now though I am going to enjoy my summer with my daughter and not think about going to work this coming Sept.