This Father's Day has got me thinking about not only my dad but my Pop~Pop Fish too. There are many days where I miss you Pop~Pop so much it hurts and today is one of them. This is the first time I am celebrating Father's Day without him. This is not an easy day for me just as I am sure it is not an easy day for my mom. In fact this morning I almost called him to wish him a Happy Father's Day only to realize that I couldn't. I nearly cried when I remembered that I couldn't do this by phone. My heart breaks whenever I look at my daughter and realize that she didn't get to meet this great man. She was born not even a week after he died. I never asked myself why him but at the time (and to be honest I still do) I ask why that time? With only 4 days until my due date I got the phone call that my grandfather had passed away and at his funeral I stood giving the eulogy praying my water wouldn't break. Not exactly how I invisioned going into labor.
So while today I miss my Pop~Pop so much that it hurts I have to remember to celebrate the other men in my life. Growing up, and even now, I never considered myself your typical "daddy's girl". Sure I love my dad and he was a hero in my eyes but I wouldn't have pegged myself as a daddy's girl. Then I realized something today, I was more a daddy's girl growing up and even today then I ever realized. My dad has always been there for me to show me the way, teach me new things and tell me everything was going to be OK. I have had the privilege of being taught how to throw a softball, roll a bowling ball and even empty the dishwasher (which I still don't do that often). My dad always made sure to do things that as a dad he was "obligated" to do although I know he never felt obligated. We went to Father Daugther Dances all through High School and only now as an adult do I realize what precious moments they were for us. Perhaps my favorite thing to think about when I think about my dad is when we danced at my wedding and his speech. Sure I pick on him for his speech but it was from the heart and he meant every word he said. So here I am this Father's Day ready to say to the masses that I am proud to call myself a Daddy's Girl for I know that my life was influenced by a great man! I know I can go to him for anything. He is supports me in all I do even if he doesn't agree with it and he is someone that I will always be able to count on.
My hope is that my Emmy gets to have this realtionship with her daddy. At only 2 months old you can tell she is completely in love with her daddy. She looks at him with awe as almost to say "daddy you are my hero". She smiles at him and talks to him on a regular basis. She loves him and knows that he is her daddy. My mom one time told me that she realizes that we are her mommy and daddy even if she doesn't know what those words mean. And I thought what could this mean to a 2 month old. Sure she loves us you can tell in her eyes but what must that feel like for her. It much be such an overwhelming emotion for her tiny brain to comprehend, I'm 29 years old and I barely comprehend it. Anyway getting back on track I know that when my baby is my age she will look back on her relationship with her daddy and smile. She will know that he would move heaven and earth for her. He will have been at every recital, softball game, bowling game, birthday party and everything in between. He will be her hero and I will be second best, and I am OK with that. She is truly a daddy's girl and I hope she realizes it much sooner than I did.
No comments:
Post a Comment